Verge of the Point of No Return... AGAIN

I've accepted the fact that I have a queer attraction to drama.
Probably I perceive it as a break away from my mostly monotonous life.

Sadly this backfires to something that gets out of control.
It is a constant struggle to maintain an equilibrium. 

After playing around with fire and ice for years,
you realize the combination that can render you useless.
There are also elements from the past who will be
an influence to your present and future.

You build great walls and gates,
watchtowers of stone and steel,
yet in the end you simply go back
 to where you've begun.