Saturday, October 29, 2011

Beach Bitch


Five hours after coming home from work I come out of my green house to pay this month’s rent and buy lunch. While walking towards my kasera’s house, a few houses away, I notice how blue the sky was. It’s a really bright and sunny day. My senses direct me to memories of a restful day at the beach.

After the Zamabales trip with J earlier, I tried to avoid going back to any beach. The nostalgia of unrequited passion would always bring me back to feeling self doubt and self pity that I haven’t the energy to afford anymore.

But today is different.

While walking towards the nearest carenderias to check out their predictable menu I was imagining the sand between my toes.  The beauty and grace of white ocean waves as if mimicking the cotton clouds in the bluest sky are replacing the tricycles passing by. The urban noises become the sound of laughter and enjoyment.
A rush of different memories replaces the remnants of a painful past...

…a family get together we had in Batangas. I was barely legal then and my cousins were just about passed their toddler years. The heat of the sands would scorch my feet every time I went out of our cottage. I feared more of my slippers being stolen than the pain.

… the first memory of going to the beach with my sister and parents. I thought I was in a quicksand at the edge of the shoreline. The wet sand was almost to my knee when Tatay pulled me up.

…when we went to Quezon as a child. We’d pack up early because of possible rebels going around the area. It was also the first time I encountered a genuine albularyo from the  south. I was quite attractive to elementals as a kid.

…drinking  GSM Blue (Product endorsement ‘yan!) while circling a bonfire on a beach in Cavite with my highschool friends. I was so drunk some details of that night are still murky to me. I only remember giving myself a mental note not to go far because I don’t know how to swim. (Well, I still don’t.)

Recently, I have admitted that a vacation is something that is more than much needed. Third quarter of the year, I have felt that I was going through a breakdown – an instance where I admit to myself I have got too much on my plate and still push the limits.

For some reason the beach or the ocean or the wind or the carefree good vibes or simply the change of environment energizes. It’s when you go back to be recharged once more by the power of Mother Nature. Every moment is an endorphin rush, a natural high.

Ano po sa  inyo?,”asked the young lady standing behind the counter. I was on autopilot and now ragged back to reality.

It’s still a beautiful day.

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