Friday, September 9, 2011

Freak Out!

I'm having difficulty when and how to start. What I know is I'm at the verge of a breakdown, so I can be a bit vague with some details. I want it that way.

Remember when i posted Coming to Terms  ? So all that happened WE 08202011. Two weeks after that more things happened.



The boss talked to me for an hour about what the hell was going on with me to compromise my work like this. Despite my good numbers that time, i wasn't able to realize that I had become consequential of sort. This feedback was from my SME, my boss and program quality specialist. Everything was like horse shite and I had to shape up or else the repercussions might lead to losing my job. And i didn't realize it was that bad already.

So there I was getting my groove back again. I also started to go out with the PG4M gang since almost everybody was being single again.

We watched Zomabadings: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington last September 3. The gathering became a house warming event since one of the admins moved in to a new apartment last month.

There we were, a bunch of gay guys with pasta (thanks Jade) and alcohol. What would you expect? It was really fun going out with these people.
I wish it ended there.

Fonelya

So, there I was moving forward to the new days to come when this week began (WE0910).  My phone was starting to act up again and planned to bring it to the service center to have it checked. Then it just froze when I was trying to call someone.

I had no choice but to wake up really early to bring it to the center they have in Cubao. They said the diagnositcs would take 3-5 days. A follow up by Friday or Saturday would suffice since I had some scheduled appointments over the weekend.

I called up Friday afternoon for the follow up:

Rep: hello, how may i help you?
Me: i want to follow up on service id blah, blah, blah,,,
Rep: Sir, since the software has to be imported outside the country, we will have it by the end of September pa.
Me: Okay. So I can't really do anything about it.
Rep: Don't worry, sir. We will inform you when we have it done already. itetext namin kayo.
Me: Really?!


Tuta ng dayuhan

We just changed our focus metrics a bit for our client's FY 2012. It looked easy enough to do since our team was consistent with the numbers that matter. But when they rolled out the new focus, it was really draining us more than ever.

An officemate just did something so stupid it compromised the company's integrity in delivering communication to agents. Our foreign boss is so pissed off since she has to explain to her managers and bosses.

 I mean, c'mon... if the job isn't challenging anymore and you're already exceeding the goals, why don't you just help others who are struggling OR just find a new job? You are putting the company and all of us at risk especially now that we are not the only vendor for this client. WE have competition and this is NOT helping.


Vicious Cycle (again?)

I was really stressed out and down towards the end of the week so I decided to look for him. Well, we are uncomplicated friends now and I need someone who knows and understands me and is in my comfort zone.

Don't get me wrong. I have friends that I can talk to in this degree but some of them have too much on their plates already or is starting something new and I wouldn't want to splash all the negativity over they joyful aura.

So I tried to search for him in Facebook, and lo and behold! He just disappeared...again. My first thoughts were either he deleted his account or the girlfriend blocked me out of his account.

This issue remains a mystery up to now.


Naiintindihan ko naman na when it rains, it pours pero naman... is there a joke I'm not getting? Is there something I'm not learning? I just don't get it. I think I can handle two or three things, but all this all at the same time?!

Weeks before I was already feeling that burn out was coming my way. I was trying to deal with things I could control and try to manage the things I couldn't, and I'd like to believe that I'm one of the universe's favorite celestial beings but the trust is sometimes overwhelming.


Counting the Blessings

I never believed in just ranting. So, even if there are still work in progress, things to overcome and detoxify unnecessary emotions, there are also things I have realized from these events that I have to be thankful for.

To J = I have tried to deny it but I miss you. I miss the peace of mind I experience in the moments that we are together. I tried to rush things. I'm sorry.  Now I understand better. And thank you, I have also learned so much about myself.

To Vicious Cycle = You may not realize it but we have been playing this game for six years. I'm sorry if I couldn't do it anymore. You were just too late. And if this is how you want it to end, I respect your decision. I will always be here, my friend.

To my family = I can't help but to blame some part of this to myself. I should have been there for the follow through. I'm still thankful that all of us are intact and healthy. I strongly believe we can overcome these challenges at ipaalala natin sa mga tao ang lugar nila sa mundong ito.

To my friends = For those who are starting something new in your lives, I'm really happy. It's not that I don't want to open up because I don't trust you, it's just that ayoko maging basag trip.And for those who are also undergoing some emotional confusion or turmoil, like the phoenix, we will rise from this... Flaming. Red. HOT!




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