Friday, July 8, 2011

Points of View

Whenever we get into a situation where our reasoning and decision making capabilities are clouded by our biases, it's natural for us to turn to people with opinions we trust and respect. A fresh set of eyes and a better look at the bigger picture can really help in realizing our next steps.



Minsan naman kelangan mo lang magbuhos ng saloobin, ayaw mong mapagalitan o mabigayan ng payo. Minsan din you just  want to hear what you're feeling para magising ka. Minsan arti lang.

So, I decided to post what some reputable people have to say about some issues. Pretty interesting comments really. Since I am bound by my confidentiality clause, I can't really tell you what the concerns are about. Ikaw na bahala manghula kung ano ang isyu. Harhar!

So heto ang iba't ibang kuru-kuro mula sa iba't ibang tao sa isang sitwasyong bawal kong banggitin:


"heniway...

"I really don't know what to say, dear...

"I guess the best thing, really, is to just go with what you feel like doing as long as it feels right to do it...

"I find the situation quite similar to what I had with **... me being in ****'s mind set, not ready to commit...

"I know you probably won't want to hear or read this but I realized that saying 'I'm just not ready to commit' means that I don't feel like the person I'm currently spending a lot of my time with is the right person for me i.e. ayoko mag-commit sa isang taong palagay ko ay hindi para s'akin o hindi ko talaga mahal... at least that's how I saw it when I committed to **** after just a few dates but never once thought of committing to ** even after 'dating' for 8 months (technically flirting for a whole year). The bottomline was that I never felt that I loved ** enough for me to commit to him.So there you go. It's really not about the ex. It's about the person's fear of getting tied to something he might not want to get tied to.

'There is that possibility that he just might not really love you... maybe just not enough... maybe not at all... If so, then there's nothing much you can do to change how they feel about you and it's then up to you whether you still want to hold on despite knowing that it might not end the way you want it or not.

"I realize we do a lot of crazy things for love. That's totally fine. You go ahead and do whatever it is you think you should do or whatever makes you happy. The whole point of living is to experience things."


 ***

"Hmmm...

"Tricky to make assumptions based on insufficient data, but I will venture a few things.

1) Clearly he does not share the same degree of affection you feel for him based on the nature and tone of his replies here.
2) I don't really buy the whole "not being ready for a relationship" thingy based on past experience. It may be somewhat harsh, but the only clear thing here is that he's not not ready for a relationship with you, regardless of past context.
3) He might be worth waiting for - I'm sure there are other conversations we don't see here. But based on these discussions, I'm highly hesitant since when you get all mushy, he doesn't, so it feels a bit one-way.
4) At the very least he enjoys your company, but I think you need to take steps to guard yourself at this point. 3 months may be relatively short, but it should be long enough to warrant a change in the tone of conversation when one starts talking about serious relationship stuff.

"Hope this helps - friends know me to be blunt and this is both a good and a bad thing."

 ***

"Hmm... well for me let me say this muna:
relationships are always a risk. you know that. but at the same time, it is good you are being careful. no matter how much you love a person, you have to love yourself too. and loving yourself means taking care of yourself. saying healthy, physically and mentally.

“i will try NOT to compare things with how me and **** worked out, but i will share what i kept in mind back when hindi pa kami:
Try being friends.

“Try being friends and seeing the person as a friend. Give each other a chance to know each other's good and bad sides. see what you both enjoy and what differences in taste you both have. and in the process find out if you deserve what he has to offer you. And if he deserves what you have to offer him.

“It is easy to get caught up in feelings and emotions. But maintain a logical viewpoint too of where you stand. after all, once you two are together, you will have to work together in things you do. you will have to learn to make decisions as a couple. you will have to know when to give, when you can take, and most importantly, when you can both share what you have for each other and the responsibilities of keeping the relationship alive, fresh, and self-sustaining.

“Relationships, when the sacrifices feel one-way, are doomed to transform into gripe sessions and tampuhan. And no one wants that."

 ***


“Be careful whose advice you buy,
but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts
and recycling it for more than it’s worth. “

-Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) , Mark Anthony "Baz" Luhrmann
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